I ask God for signs all the time. I ask for signs so much, you’d think I was a nonbeliever. It’s not true though; I’m a bonafide believer in the higher power (God…Universe…Allah…Yahweh…). I don’t think it matters what we call the higher power we believe in, but I do believe it/he/she exists.
Today I was writing (I’m officially at 75,892 words as of 6:40pm on Sunday, December 6 BTW!) and my character finds himself in a cave. I didn’t expect him to be in a cave when I sat down to write this morning. I’m not going to lie, sometimes when I write, the story just takes over while I’m in the flow. And before I know it, my character is in a cave when he should have been in a bathtub (don’t ask). But the unexpected place always ends up better than the planned place (if that makes sense). I swear it’s my inspiration/creative muse guiding me as I write, but that’s a blog for another day.
I asked God for a sign earlier today that I should keep going with this book as I’m officially at that point in my novel where I usually give up. For me, after the novelty of the first two weeks of writing a new book wears off (and the dopamine is gone), I get overwhelmed and tell myself this will never amount to anything. I tell myself that the writing isn’t good enough and I don’t have it in me to spend the next 3 years editing one story. And then I give up. That’s all she wrote. I stop. The story is kaput.
Yet, despite my quitting, the put-aside story haunts my waking and sleeping hours every day of my life. SO I decided that this time I will keep pushing through the hard stuff and the writer’s block and the incessant need to tell myself I’m not good enough. However, I’ve been super needy in asking for signs to help keep me going. Today, while my character was in a cave, he looks down and sees a man impaled on a stalagmite at the bottom of a pit. A freaking stalagmite. Bear with me and you will see where this gets interesting.
Yesterday I asked for a sign of a fox… weird, I know. But guess what? I came across THREE foxes. Coincidence? Maybe. But today I just asked for a sign. Didn’t ask for anything in particular, just a sign to keep pushing, and guess what email JUST came across my inbox?
The subject line said this: “Be a Stalagmite Writer”.
No mother-effing joke, that is honestly what it said!!!! I don’t think I’ve ever even written the word stalagmite before in my life, but somehow, today, when I asked for a sign and my character was in a pit looking down at a man impaled on a stalagmite, this aptly titled email comes across my inbox.
You might be rolling your eyes right about now, and that’s ok with me, but I’m still smiling and about to get back to word number 75,893.
Quitting today? I don’t think so!
Just the world’s BIGGEST procrastinator when it comes to my writing. I have lived in such crippling fear of not getting published (fear of rejection anyone?) that I was too afraid to even pick up a pen. How dumb is that? This is my attempt to write — no matter how it all shakes down. P.S. I also learned that if I didn’t write, it would destroy me one piece of my soul at a time.