I Feel Like I’ve Been Both Writing and Dying…

Writing is not the end-all, be-all in life, yet I persist in a deep-rooted feeling that, yes, indeed, it is. Those golden published authors on their golden published hills who preach to the masses not to take their writing too seriously are both my gurus and my worst enemies 🤷‍♀️. They give me sage advice that I know I must heed, yet sometimes I want to flick them right in the toe 👉 (I wouldn’t actually do this because I respect people and their boundaries too much, and I’m also a pacifist ✌️. However, when I’m really angry, I threaten unkind things like flicking an arm or a toe. I’m not proud of it, but we all have our dark sides 😈).

Inside my soul, I feel this strong urge to write every day and allow my stories to come forth into this world 💎 whether they are ever published or not. But I also feel like if they are not, it might actually kill me (clearly, I am a drama queen 👑). I know I am not the only writer who feels this way, and honestly, sometimes I don’t know if I have the strength to keep going, to keep writing and pushing myself to get these stories out on paper. But then I think about if I were to stop and those stories never got to see the light of day, I feel like my own light would be extinguished 🔦. So long as my stories are in my heart, I will carry on and write. The torch I shall carry through this world and the next is built with letters and words and tales that were etched into my heart long before I was born 🌎.

Today, I feel like I’m standing on the edge of a precipice. There is a raging river of emotions below. ☀️ The sun is too bright and I can barely see where to place my next step. At any moment I could slip and fall to my doom. I must get to the other side, but there is no ladder, no road map, no help coming 🆘. I am alone in this struggle, and only my determination to survive will get me through 💪

Dramatic? Sure. I’ve already told you I am 😊. You should read my poetry 😂 I just want my stories to be meaningful. I want to bring joy 💕 into the lives of others and teach through my words 📖.

My success in writing is all that matters. If I say it’s not, I’m lying to myself to feel better. And it’s not because I want fame and gobs of money 💰, I just want people to read my stories and love them. I want people to relate to my characters, get lost in the fairytale, forget about their own troubles, and just “be” when they read something that I have written ✍

P.S. I feel the need to admit that I did *not* wake up at 4 a.m.⏰ even once last week (shame on me, I know) but I *did* write 6/7 days and worked out 5/7 so not too shabby! 🎉 Now, I just need to stop eating my emotions and get back to my normal weight 🥊 and life will be grande 💝

There is a meme that I recall from summer… something about “Want a bikini body?” 👙 “Then put on a bikini and go to the beach 🏖” It’s that simple. Want to be a writer? Then sit your a$$ down and write. Here I go!

Hope you all are all climbing toward your goals as well ☮️

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writeordiegirl01 View All →

Just the world’s BIGGEST procrastinator when it comes to my writing. I have lived in such crippling fear of not getting published (fear of rejection anyone?) that I was too afraid to even pick up a pen. How dumb is that? This is my attempt to write — no matter how it all shakes down. P.S. I also learned that if I didn’t write, it would destroy me one piece of my soul at a time.

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